Wrath of the Tyrant

NOTIMEFORLOVEDR.JONES!

2008-05-10T23:53:36Z

Props Rev.TQP via R.O.Y.

Possible tax refund/stimulus check spending options

2008-05-10T23:46:30Z

-Beer

-Beer making equipment

-Beer making ingredients

-Expensive and rare indie music

-Tattoos

-Drugs

-A Reload saddle bag

-The girlfriend

-Your girlfriend

-Any girlfriend

-Traveling

-100 cups of coffee

Please post your own.

Ok wait.

2008-05-09T06:40:08Z

Can't live with em. Can't live without em.

...So. How do I do this?

Crap^(sigma*)

2008-05-07T02:32:51Z

The first day back at the store was a big crap complex. What the Hell did I think I was doing going back to the hub of all things fake and unsettling? I hate my boss, and the only reason I enjoy my coworkers is that they remind me of not being at the Bux. Pay is shit and unrewarding. And then there’s the dynamic customer base. So why am I here? Health insurance? What the fuck! How fucking ethical is insurance?!

Sigh. Anyways, the brewery has more than compensated this week, so I should really quite bitching. Tomorrow we sit down for a recipe pow wow with the brewers. The ultimate goal is to do special one-off batches for the Elysian using our own recipes. I’ve gotten most all the opportunities I’ve dreamed of within the past few days. But dreams don’t pay the bills. If wishes were horses we’d all be eatin steak. I think a great man once said that.

Destiny versus fate. Discuss.

2008-05-01T02:49:52Z

I’ll kill every one of my coworkers. Spider senses indicate that in the near future, I’ll have to spend more time with them. Summertime means we all bust our butts as the boss shouts “Arbeit macht frei!” And I can’t help pick apart my coworker’s idiosyncratic work styles that happen to get under my skin. Since leaving Fred Hutch, I’ve never had a coworker I’ve never had some problem with. Most of them are cool people, though, but they spoil most chance of friendship but being lazy slug chodes at work. Which begs the larger question, if I had to work with my best friends, would they be my best friends at all?

If wishes were horses, we’d all be eatin steak

2008-04-29T03:15:54Z

Completely trumping the mouse-in-the-glove bit, I found a black widow in the rim of one of my returned kegs today. Fortunately, my pants were already dirty, so when I shit them it wasn’t a complete loss. Because it’s never been my thing to stomp on animals, I tried to spray it down the drain. I lost it, somewhere in between it’s discovery and holding the hose. Since then, I keep imagining a prickly sensation crawling up my shirt.

High Altitude Low Tyranny

2008-04-28T03:10:09Z

My girlfriend tells me I was talking in my sleep last night, repeating one word over and over. When questioned/ interrogated about what I was dreaming, I answered truthfully: Rocket ships piloted by rats and squirrels. She laughed quizzically, telling me the word I was repeating was, without a doubt, ‘Boobs.’

Comin to save the motherfuckin day

2008-04-21T05:25:15Z

Fuck Yeah.
This is a worthy idea.
It was made by one of the founders of Moveon.org and the former Chief National Spokesman for the NRA.
Beer-partisan, indeed.

If first you don't succeed, parachuting is not for you

2008-04-19T05:21:37Z

It seems like the only acceptable promotion one can get in the beer industry is with some level of catastrophe within the brewery. Take today for instance. The secretary is out due to glass in the eye. The bosses are off in San Diego for the Craft Brewers Conference. The Elysian Fields brewer is back home for a death in the family. And the brewer on the Hill burned his leg so blistering bad that he couldn't move, much less left levers and valves for a full brew day. So instead of going to the hospital like he should have, he called me in, and told me how to brew on our system, step by step, from a chair on the brew deck. While I don’t object do such advantageous answering of my prayers, I found the day completely lacking sanity.

I’m going back to Starbucks for parttime. I need insurance. And attention.

I just finished Grendel. I named the newest brew after him. Double fermented, honey conditioned, hoppy pale. It’s like a Northwestern Mead. Guaranteed to stop most heroes.

Seventh Tyrant of a Seventh Tyrant

2008-04-15T04:48:59Z

Right above the brewery, in our business office today, our graphic designer was examining a 22oz bottle of beer at face level when it exploded. She had glass cut her face, eye lid and eye. The explosion was due to a number of factors that were extremely rare. She’s alright, and can still see. Everyone got together at the bar after work (that’s a lot of people, by the way). I’m personally disturbed because I bottled the beer.

Last night I dreamed of the Dalai Lama making a press conference from the lobby of an office building. The way he was standing against the ceiling lights, it appeared that light was circling his head. Then God came in, and was playing football. Very disruptive, but all I could think was that God had a Hell of a throwing arm.

Every Tyrant is a working Tyrant

2008-04-13T04:20:11Z

8p—Take second shower of the day. My hair no longer smells like beer. Watch more Battlestar.

7p—Scaling steps up from Lakeview with my bike on my back. I smell beer in my sweat. Cottonmouth. Gross out passerby’s with how much I’m soaking. Dry fuckers.

4.30p—Wake up confused and overheated. Watch more Battlestar. Read. Contemplate how much I need to exercise.

1.45p—Maybe a half hour power nap will do.

1.40p—Return home. Roommate promptly falls asleep on couch. I figure I shouldn’t nap because I have shit to do.

1p—Go back to work and have lunch. Pick up a couple mason jars of yeast. Drink a pitcher of pale. Flirt with server.

10.15a—Roommate saunters in to living room.

IS—I think you’d said something a moment ago. I really can’t remember what it was though.

JC—It’s not important. Go back to sleep.

Watch more Battlestar. Write out recipe for new beer.

10.10a— Roommate wakes up.

JC—Isaac, I’m going back to work later to get some stuff. Do you wanna tag along for lunch?

IS—Free lunch? Hell yeah. That sounds great.

Roommate falls asleep again.

10a—Shower somewhat successfully.

9.20a—Return home. Watch Battlestar. Roommate gets home from the night shift. Stares over my shoulder at hot space actors.

IS—Hey man.

JC—Dude.

IS—(Pause) Have you been drinking?

JC—Yeah I was just about to hit the shower. Sorry.

9.10a—Run into former coworker at bus stop.

JC—So the word on the grapevine is that you’re being stalked by a 45-year-old man. And he’s overweight.

PP—Haha, yeah, I guess so. I don’t think I’m gonna message him back though. (Pause) Did you do something new to your hair? It looks good.

JC— Ah…Don’t ask.

9a—Have a beer then leave work.

8.20a—Detatch sample valve while fermentation tank is full of beer and under pressure. IPA beams out and sprays us as we attempt in vain to plug the hole. Our clothes and faces are now soaked in beer.

CF—Guy, can you fit the gasget back in and then screw the valve back into place?

JC—No, not really. I can’t see. There’s too much beer in my eyes. Fuckin burns.

CF—Goddamned cocksuckin son of a bitch fuckin faggot valve won’t fuckin go in. Fuck! Ok, there. Fuck! Fuck! This fuckin sucks! (Pause) My girlfriend’s pregnant again.

JC—Dude. Congratulations.

8a—Wke up to my phone.

CF: Dude! You gotta get in here soon man. I’m in deep shit if I can’t fix this goddamn leak and I need a extra hand.

JC— Mpff.

1a—Fall asleep drunk and stoned after texting my girlfriend. Dream of her.

Water into wine. And then into beer

2008-04-11T22:07:41Z

Did you know that there are some breweries that put brail on their cans? While that’s considerate and all… is anyone else unnerved by drunk blind people?

Biking like a crazy tyrant, lately. The weather change has been a welcome one, as much as I enjoy the cold. The first order of business is to get my lazy ass back on the bike daily, and fear no hill. I’d like to cover more terrain, but there’s a possibility that the shaft between by pedals may be ground down and could snap at any moment. While that would be the funniest sex-change ever, I’d like to avoid it if possible.

The Battlestar theme was stuck in my head while keg washing. It’s like a massively depressed kazoo player rocking his tune over and over in my fucking head.

Work has been a daytime drama without enough makeup. When brewers talk behind each others backs, it’s usually with a pint in hand and buzzed conspiratorial whispers. There have been a lot of those lately, and I get that uneasy feeling that the time to network in other breweries is now.

Room with a view. And a tyrant.

2008-04-05T06:36:27Z

Big thanks to those who have encouraged me to suck it up and watch more Battlestar. I'm well into the first seaon.
Y'all were right.
I was tyrannical.

Choosey Moms Choose Tyranny

2008-04-03T02:12:01Z

I watched the Battlestar Galactica miniseries for the first time, and much to my disappointment, I was not impressed. After all the rants and raves of friends, I kinda felt like someone suckered me out of three hours. Maybe it’s because all I could think about was Space: Above and Beyond, Serenity, or Earth 2. There were tons of elements that caught my interest, but just as many that really didn’t interest me at all. I think the brewery is all the space-drama I can handle.

So what’s weird is that I’m setting out to watch as much as I can of this space-waste… I couldn’t tell you why. Just another weird-ass addiction in the making.

Tyranny. Warp 9. Make it so.

2008-03-29T19:24:34Z

Wow. Huh. Kind of dead on. I knew I always identified with that guy. Thanks grindbastard. If I had the power to control metal with my mind, I'd probably step up my diabolicality. Alas, alas, I only have the power to create beer with my mind. Normal level diabolicality is mandatory.

You are Magneto

Magneto		88%
Apocalypse		83%
Juggernaut		78%
Venom		74%
Mr. Freeze		74%
Poison Ivy		71%
Dr. Doom		71%
Green Goblin		70%
Catwoman		69%
The Joker		68%
Lex Luthor		67%
Kingpin		66%
Dark Phoenix		56%
Riddler		55%
Mystique		50%
Two-Face		46%

You fear the persecution of those that are different or underprivileged so much that you are willing to fight and hurt others for your cause.

Click here to take the Super Villain Personality Test

Let them eat Tyranny

2008-03-28T19:05:04Z

It’s snowing, and I’m a cold, wet biker. At least I have my misery to keep me warm.

I got to brew with the bossman yesterday (Ok, more like observe brewing), which was a milestone. It’s a lot like brewing at home, except since the scale is larger, you have to cuss louder. We made a Pomogranate Brown that we call Om.

I saw No Country for Old Men, and liked it, but I didn’t get it. I don’t need any more movies to make me feel like I’m a dumbass—I already have a girlfriend. Anyways, I thought There Will Be Blood should’ve gotten best picture. I liked their cowboy hats more, and D Day Lewis makes a more convincing psycho/tycoon. Pyscoon.

That IPA I made was a huge fucking success. It’s infused with clover honey for body and bourbon for a nice, floral nose. It flies in at a cool 8%. Really good shit. I’m not the only one who likes it either, and tomorrow I’m making a second batch. I’m contemplating putting a little rosemary in, too, just to feel sophisticated.

Smeagol Knows Best, ostensibly

2008-03-18T00:26:28Z

I’ve been asking everyone I can if they know the meaning of St. Patrick’s Day. I’ve gotten a bagful of answers, involving snake chasing, Christianizing, Guinness drinking and one odd person who was convinced it was the day celebrating the start of WWI. I think it’s a notable peculiarity that I work at a bar and no one there knew what St. Patrick’s Day was about.

So, capt_tik_taco, being heartbreakingly Irish, I’d like to ask you what the Hell all the hub-ub is about—and not the American version either.

To everyone else, I extend a different invitation. In the name of all that is American and ethnocentric, I say that we all rewrite the significance of St. Patricks Day!

In a reply, write the best/randomest story to said day—the winner get’s a big high five.

Too much rock and roll

2008-03-16T14:11:07Z

Definately woke up with a plunger in hand. I can only wonder where it's been.

Ass face buttercup

2008-03-12T06:19:43Z

It's time for another group share of GOOD IDEA, BAD IDEA

Good Idea: Getting a present from your girlfriend on Valentine’s Day.

Bad Idea: Getting a present from your Al Capone on Valentine’s Day.

Good Idea: Getting stoned with beautiful women in Jamaica.
Bad Idea: Getting stoned with beautiful women in Iran.

...Ok, Help me out here people.

YO MOMMA'S SO TYRANNICAL...

2008-03-11T06:07:33Z

The one-two punch of daylight savings and being sick made bed a wretched thing to leave behind on the way to work. I honestly did think about grabbing a few minutes rest on some bags of grain in the cellar. Normally I'm more than happy to get up, much less be at work when no one else is there. But I still felt sick, the whole allergy business was acting up, I slept poorly, and worst of all, my boss was in a great mood. He was actually humming to himself all day long, which is about as sonorously pleasent as someone sandblasting a rusty metal grate. Yes, it was a day of clinched buttholes.

Tyrant Von Richthoven

2008-03-09T05:59:36Z

Saw There Will be Blood, and my main realization from that movie is that Daniel Day Lewis is the spitting image of the guy from Red Baron Pizza. No shit.

Also! It’s occurred to me that the synth sample in Cake’s The Distance is taken from Snoop Dogg. Just so we’re all on the same page.

Someone on the street asked me last night where the Off-Ramp was. I was already sort of buzzed, so I had to stop and think whether I was in a time-warp or not. I should’ve told them something clever like “It’s down the street and ten years back.” But I played the truth-telling dork and told them that “it’s now called El Corazon, and it’s just off Denny. Next to RCNDY.” Suckers.

The next day brought the Hang-Over Angel of Remorse. Yikes. I’m wondering if it would’ve been all the wiser just to flush the system last night when I had the chance. Does that make me Bulimic? Or just stupid? Well, anyways, this tyrant of questionable intelligence found by 7pm that following night that he was no longer hung over, but quite sick with the flu. Ah, the Sickness Angel of Viral Triumph. Clothe me in sweet, sweaty chills.

Change we can believe in

2008-03-06T03:42:31Z

[ ] Republican

[ ] Democrat

[x] Zod

Thanks

grindbastard

O TYRNY?

2008-03-03T04:26:21Z

I was searching for an appropriate Cthuhlu for President picture, but realized the above masterpiece says everything I've ever needed to express.

Not a Rant

2008-03-01T19:11:24Z

I don’t want to make a rant post about the Apple Corporation—that’d be both trite and redundant. We all know those fucking imperialistic dogs have trampled down plenty of sectors in the electronics market to replace good reliable products with their SoCal useless ripoffs. I don't need to state my thoughts here. But I will say I’m so tired of this fucking Ipod I’ve almost come to breaking it with my hands on more than one occasion. While the technique of anger management described here was an excellent method of disposing frustrating pieces of trash when I was a younger boy, it doesn’t have much utility in my (pseudo)mature existence.

So I don’t want to ruminate on how much I hate the Apple Corporation, from ideology to inane marketing to helpless staff to feeble products to cultural power. I don’t want to scream at the American people for accepting the Mac Revolution simply on the basis that their products will offer a more alternative, sexier existence—no, no; and I certainly don’t want to say that the fucking sheep of this nation deserve an outsourcing domineering corporation like Apple. That would just be childish.

Lastly, I’d like to not blaspheme the Goddamned folks at Apple who decided the best marketing strategy was to put all the competition under—with regards to the MP3 market. In fact, as a prophetic addendum, I’m gonna not howl a warning that if PC users aren’t careful, we’ll all find ourselves buried under an avalanche of incompatible, expensive, slow, albeit sleek, Mac products. And that’s where I’d end my fucking rant, if I ever decided to make one.

New Spiderman 4 cut

2008-02-28T17:06:19Z

Almost as good as Italian Spiderman.